


I Won't be able to Remember You Anymore

by Mikasaackerman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Romance, Spoilers, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikasaackerman/pseuds/Mikasaackerman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa was ordered to start private training with the corporal, and the tension increases between our favorite angry little german boy and the prodigy. But what will happen when something goes terribly wrong on a mission? Sorry don't know how to write summaries ErenxMikasaxRivaille</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first time writing a fanfic so please bare with me! This chapter won't have a lot of ErenxMikasa but I'll definitely make up for it in the next!

### Chapter 1

_"Ne mommy, why do you always say that to dad" I asked, a innocent yet curious expression spread out across my face._

_"Say what honey?" A gentle voice replied._

_"What you just said!"_

_"... Oh? You mean Aishiteru? Well you see Mikasa, in our race's language, it meant............"_

\----------------------------------------

"Whatchu thinking about?" A figured popped down beside a small jet-black haired girl. "Eren..." Mikasa replied.

"You know you look so deep in thought in all the time, what do you think about?" A little Eren asked in a confused tone, slightly tilting his head as he flopped his head down on to her pillow. His hazel hair, which was starting to get a bit long, covered his bright Caribbean green eyes and he proceeded to swipe it off his face.

"I was just thinking about my mom" Mikasa replied quietly and the boy suddenly stopped fidgeting.

After a long uncomfortable silence Eren lifted his head and asked, "what about your mom?"

This was the first time he had ever gathered up the courage to ask her anything regarding to her family, so it took the girl a little by surprise. "Well... She used teach me little words that were from our language..."

"Ah that sounds fun! Teach me something too!!" A eager reply came from the boy laying beside her. Mikasa never admitted it to him, but that childish curiosity of his always lifted her mood up.

"I... don't remember much," she replied, sounding noticeably happier, "But there was this one word that she always told my dad. It was: 'Aishiteru'"

"Huh?" What a strange sounding word, Eren thought, "What does that mean?"

"Well... I'm not sure."

"What?!" He was clearly very disappointed. "I thought she taught it to you!"

"I asked her once," Mikasa defended back, "but we were interrupted, she never did tell me what it meant." With every word she began to sound sad again. Eren hated it when Mikasa was sad. Normally she was expressionless and he was fine with it, but when she was happy he would be happy, and when she was sad he couldn't help but start to feel down too.

"Hm well what do you think it means?" He replied quickly, trying to brighten up the mood again. "Aishiteru... Aishiteru..." The boy repeated, trying to grasp the meaning behind the word. 

"I don't know but mom used to always say it to dad. I think it means something like 'I care for you'" she turned and looked at Eren and found him staring at her, "-or something like that." She muttered and quickly turned away, a bit embarrassed by how concentrated he was on her.

A few moments passed and he was still staring, Mikasa could feel her face slowly turn redder by the second. "Mikasa?" the boy finally spoke.

"Y-yes?" She jerked towards the origin of the voice, a little too quickly to her embarrassment.

"Aishiteru" Eren said and smiled at her.

\----------------------------------------

Now thinking back... Perhaps that was the first time she-

"Mikasaaaaaaaaaaa" a cheerful voice interrupted her thoughts, dragging her back to reality.

"Armin..." She slowly turned to face the intruder, a slightly unhappy expression revealed on her usual poker face.

"A-ah" the blond seemed to sense her dissatisfaction and his movements quickly became a lot duller. "Um I'm here to pass on a message from Corporal Rivaille-"

Corporal? What business does he want with her? Mikasa couldn't help but wonder. Personally she doesn't like the corporal, his attitude always annoyed her. However since they had encountered the female Titan and he saved her life, she's been meaning to repay the debt. But with the recent accident that led to both Reiner and Bertolt trapping themselves in the same type of impenetrable crystal like Annie, things had been a little busy. 

"He says that with the previous expedition and the reports submitted regarding you, Mikasa Ackerman, the higher ups have decided that you posses an considerable amount of undeniable potential-" He paused momentarily to catch his breath, "And that from now on you will be personally training with the corporal himself." 

Armin spurted out the last sentence so fast in one breath that it took Mikasa several seconds than necessary to register what he had just said.

Before she could ask any questions Armin blurted "Don't worry Mikasa. I think you'll only be with him during training, you can still be with Eren for the rest of the day." He grinned at her, seeming satisfied that he read her mind. Mikasa turned away and hid her blush with her scarf. Sometimes this kid was too bright for his own good. "You should probably go see him at the office," Armin said as he started to walk away, "he said he wanted to discuss some things with you."

Mikasa sighed before she turned around and headed toward their temporary HQ. After the recent mission the scouting legion suffered its most devastating loss in decades. Thousands of men died on duty and even though they were able to retrieve the Colossal and Armored Titan alive, they had no valuable information to present to the capital about this man-slaughtering species. 

Another failure, in other words.

Right now they had retreated to the old scouting legions HQ, the capital was undoubtedly not very happy and ordered them to lower their activities for the time being. The place was in ruins when they first arrived but after a few days of intensive cleanup, led by none other than the corporal of course, the castle was almost good as new. 

That corporal really is something, Mikasa thought as she walked down the sparkling clean stone hallway and arrived in front of a large wooden oak door. She gently knocked three times before a voice from within replied, "Come in."

The door creaked and she peeked her head inside. This was the first time she's been to his office. "Mikasa Ackerman, present sir"

"Skip the formality Ackerman," the figure sitting behind a long stone desk twice his size replied. "So I assume your scared little blondie passed on the message to you?" He glanced up and gave her a snotty smirk that made her instantly regretted coming over in the first place.

"Yes, Armin," she stressed on his name, "did sir."

"I said skip the formality," Rivallie's face darted back to his usual depressed look, "Ackerman." He stressed teasingly on her name as he leaned back into his leather seat.

She was starting to get more and more pissed off by the second. Mikasa normally has a incredibly high tolerance rate for others. Yet for some reason, the midget had always seemed to find a way to get on her nerves. Honestly, maybe it's because of his cockiness or just the way he seem to intentionally make her mad all the time, but just being around him makes her exhausted.

"No matter, do you know the reason I called you to my office?" He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"No, s-" she was able to catch herself this time, "-corporal Levi."

"Just call me Rivaille."

"Then no I do not know the reason, Corporal Rivaille."

"The reason, Ackerman" he sighed, "is I want to make some things clear to you." Rivaille glanced up and cupped his hands together. "In case you haven't guessed already, I am not in particularly fond of... People. So naturally I am not anymore happier than you are with the new turn of events." He seemed bored at this point and started playing with the papers he had on his table. "Don't think you're so special just because Irwin assigned you to me. From what I've seen and heard, you've got a long way to go." His dark orbs found hers and a smirk creeped up his face again. "You're still weak."

It took a lot of effort for Mikasa to not grab the nearest thing and fling it at the shortie. If she wasn't in debt to him she would've went and crushed his little ego right here and now. But she was. Don't mind his attitude Mikasa, be the better person here. She thought to herself and kept her face emotionless. "Yes, corporal Rivaille."

He seemed slightly disappointed by her reaction. Or rather, lack of reaction. "Don't expect me to go soft on you." His voice hardened. "Come to my office tomorrow morning 10 minutes before your normal training begins. For every second you're late it's 20 push ups, for every mistake you make during training is 50. Same rules apply everyday. You'd better not waste my time. Also," He spun his chair around so his back was facing her. "You'll be on cleanup duty for the rest of the day when you're not training."

"Wait what-?" Mikasa started to protest. Didn't Armin say she'll be still able to stick around with Eren? "Cleanup duty? I didn't know they had one."

"They don't," the corporal's chair was still turned, and even though she couldn't see his face she had a pretty good idea of what his expression was from the sadistic chuckle that followed after. "You'll be cleaning up MY office." 

"Bu-"

"Objections?" He spun himself around again, "Or are you still obsessed over your little boyfriend?"

That got her, and Mikasa was left standing there with her mouth wide open gaping at him. Seeming very satisfied this time with the reaction he got, Rivaille sneered "I told you, I won't be going easy on you. This training will also be a good exercise for you to learn how to control your emotions. A slip up like what you did back there when we faced the female Titan would've been fateful had I not been there. Do we understand each other? Good. Now you're dismissed."

\----------------------------------------

"Man today is hot," Armin stated frankly beside him, "I wonder what Mikasa's doing with the corporal today."

Eren looked up at the clear blue sky, there was not a cloud in sight and the sun was blazing directly above them. "Yea I wonder..." He mumbled mindlessly.

A couple weeks ago Mikasa stopped appearing during training, and they hadn't been seeing her at lunches and dinners either. Apparently she was called off to train separately with the Corporal because the higher ups decided this was too basic for someone with her abilities. In fact, the only time they ever got to see her was in the morning at breakfasts, but she's normally in a rush so they haven't really talked. Occasionally when Eren's called in by Hanji for one of her experiments he'd see her too, but too busy running errands or cleaning most of the time to chat. Because he was able to prove that he didn't possess any threats for humanity on their last mission the capital finally let him go. Irwin suggested that he trained with the rest of the scouting legion but that didn't change the fact that he was still under tight supervision. In fact, he could see a guard right now a little bit off to his right prancing around. 

The absence of Mikasa felt... Well, weird. Because they had always been together ever since the day he saved her years ago. And even though it was nice to not have her constantly follow him around and nag him, Eren couldn't help but kinda miss her a bit. He's pretty sure that he wasn't the only one who'd felt this way for the past weeks. Jean was pretty upset after he learned of the news, and lately he's been so down and depleted of his energy that he hasn't even tried picking a fight with Eren. Not once, in weeks! Armin seemed pretty upset as well even though he's tried so hard to cover it up. He'd always bring up Mikasa and things regarding to her, which made Eren feel a little weird inside at times. 

What the hell am I thinking? Eren inwardly cursed at himself. It must be the heat. Why would he miss her? She's Mikasa. The annoying, overly protective, needs-to-mind-her-own-business step-sister of his afterall.

"Hey what's going on over there?" Armin pointed and Eren followed his eyes after the direction he's staring at. Right now they were on break for their reflex training and while they were too busy complaining about the heat, a crowd had gathered in the near distance beside them. "Let's go see what the commotion is about-" Before he could finish the sentence his blond friend popped up and began jogging towards the group of people that was slowly growing bigger. "Race you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please leave a feedback and tell me what you think!! The next chapter is already 3 quarters finished so it'll be posted asap~


	2. Chapter 2

As Eren and Armin got closer the crowd cheered loudly at whatever was happening inside. They caught a familiar figure and squeezed through towards her.

"Ah, sorry! Excuse me-! Sasha!" Armin called as he slipped past several bodies with ease. Eren on the other hand was having troubles from his slightly larger build and was lagging behind. "What's going on?" He heard Armin huffed as he finally reached them.

Sasha stopped chewing the potato she had in one hand and glanced down at the two boys out of breath beside her. Christina, who happened to be hiding behind her peeked out and answered "It's Mikasa! She's training with the corporal right now-" before she could finish they both looked at each other and made a dash to the front lines. "H-hey!" they heard her called after them.

After they finally nudged their way to the front they were greeted by Connie, Ymir and Jean all shouting their heads off. "Took you long enough!" Connie was the first to acknowledge their presence. They didn't even have time to ask before Jean screamed "Go Mikasa! Show that shortie what you're made of!"

Eren turned and took a look for himself, and he felt Armin's mouth dropped open the same time as his beside him. In the center of this whole commotion, he couldn't believe his eyes as he tried to follow two figures battling so furiously that they're literally in a blur. They watched as the corporal threw punches and kicks and Mikasa gracefully dodged out of all of their way. But not for long. She was running out of stamina and when a roundhouse kick came flying towards her she was too slow to react. Eren's blood ran cold as he realized how fast that was heading towards her head. In the heat of the moment Mikasa quickly dropped to the ground and rolled out of harm's way, but before she had a chance to get up a sword came out of no where and stabbed the ground inches in front of her face. "Too slow." The man who threw the weapon remarked.

"Time to step it up." he heard Rivaille said as he pulled out his other sword from his 3-D Maneuver Gear. Wait, why are they fighting with their gears? Eren turned and looked at Mikasa who was starting to get up, the sword slots on hers were empty.

The corporal leaped in front of her and in a swift movement pulled his blade out of the ground. Then he walked to the edge of the circle that was forming and stripped his shirt off and threw it to the ground, causing several girls in the crowd to squeal. Even from the sides the audience could feel the unbarring heat, the cuffs and collars of everyone's uniforms were damp from sweat. But then much to Eren's horror, after a moment Mikasa too began taking her shirt off. The roar coming from the male population of the crowd was deafening as she threw it to the side and revealed a black sports bra underneath paired with a perfect eight pack.

What bothered Eren the most about this was not the fact that Mikasa was now half naked in front of the majority of the scouting legion's men, but rather how calm and collected those two were.

As if they were both used to this routine.

He felt a weird tingling sensation again but before he could grasp it the two in front of him began to move. Paying no attention to the people around them they were off once more. The corporal thrusted the knife towards her stomach and she skillfully leaped up backwards into the air, avoiding the blades as the other one was thrown towards her. Before she could hit the ground a leg came beneath her threatening to trip her fall, Mikasa rolled out of the way but this time came up quicker behind him, giving her the upper advantage. But then Rivaille spun around with lightning fast reflexes and jumped back, grabbing the swords behind him along the way. He stopped with one foot and lunged at her again, this time he aimed for her left arm. Milliseconds before the blade made contact with her skin she jerked left and grabbed his swinging arm. "YES she got him!" Connie yelled beside Eren, but a little too soon. The corporal spun his leg behind and around her, tripping her to the ground and slamming the sword on his left hand beside her right cheek, scrapping the skin. The momentum caused him to fall right on top of her and with their faces inches apart, Eren heard him said once again:

"Too slow."

It all happened so fast that the crowd didn't even get a chance to quiet down before erupting into cheers again. Witnessing the power of two of humanity's strongest was undoubtedly the most excitement they've had in ages. Armin was silent, eyes gleaming wide at the pair. Connie and Ymir was screaming along with the crowd, and Jean was scoffing at the position those two were getting up from. Eren was too shocked for words. This was the first time he'd seen Mikasa fight full out, if this could even count as fighting. He was grimly reminded of why she was at the top of their graduating class. That's right. Mikasa Ackerman, first place in the 104th trainee squad, a solider worth a hundred men, worthy enough to be on par with Lance Corporal Levi.

Better than him in every way, impossible to catch up to. It wasn't the first time he has thought of this, but maybe it was because how distance she's been lately, a twinge of jealousy devoured him this time as the pain of realization hit him.

Mikasa was someone he can't protect, someone who could only protect him.

"Okay, show's over, get back to your training." he heard the corporal commanded over the buzzing noise of his thoughts.

All of a sudden, he didn't miss her anymore.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why don't you take off your scarf Ackerman?" Rivaille asked after the crowd parted.

The black haired woman slowly pat off the dust on her pants and walked over to where her shirt had fallen. Rivaille took the opportunity to inspect the state she was currently in, her hair for one was damp and plastered against her forehead. He could tell she was completely out of breath as she bent down to pick up her dirt ridden shirt and stayed with one knee on the ground a bit longer than necessary. Her chest wasn't heaving as heavily as when they first got off each other but she still hasn't completely recovered. Maybe he had been a bit too tough on her?

He quietly scoffed to himself. The truth was, Mikasa Ackerman secretly frustrated him. During the very first day he threw all the hardest training courses they had at her, ones fit for the most elite of the elites. Much to his surprise she completed them all with little to no effort. She wasn't considered a prodigy for no reason, he concluded. But even so that was rather remarkable for him, the corporal was rarely ever surprised.

Since then he had pushed her to her limits everyday, sometimes even to the point where she would collapse from exhaustion at the end of the day. Because Mikasa clearly proved herself more worthy than what the training exercise had to offer, he's been pushing special courses set up executively by Hanji onto her. Some of these courses were even difficult for the corporal himself, but he wanted to find something that could challenge her. Rivaille hated to admit it but he had finally found his match.

But she still has some ways to go, he thought as he pushed his swords back into his 3D maneuver gear. He didn't in particularly enjoyed their little audience today, however the closed in forests they normally practiced in had proven to be way too crowded the last time they tried to do reflex training. Thus the only open space available had to be supplied by none other than the scouting legions training grounds.

"Did they not teach you that it's impolite to ignore your superior's questions?" Rivaille furrowed his brows and demanded. Mikasa glared at him before she sighed and looked away, "It's important to me." And he wasn't going to push her any further than that, it's not his business anyways. "You may go early today, Erwin said there was an important meeting in the afternoon."

Mikasa hesitated before replying, "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then Rivaille." Over the course of the last few weeks they had gotten a lot closer than he had expected, and now it was normal for her to call him by his first name. This closing distance between them sat off alarms in the back of his conscious, but Rivaille hasn't seen any sign to be cautious yet. The last time this happened...

A gurgling noise came from his throat and he quickly reached his hand up to cover his mouth as the memory of Petra's dead body popped up in his mind. He shook the image out of his mind. He won't allow something like that to happen again. Ever.

After all, in their line of work attachments were not an option.

"Has everyone gathered?" Erwin demanded in a calm tone after Rivaille sat down at his seat. "Yes sir." A voice replied somewhere from the back of the room. Rivaille took the time to scan the room. There were a few unfamiliar faces, probably some clueless minds filled with nothing but money and power. It disgusted him to no end how pigs like them were allowed into the scouting legion's private meetings. But they had no choice, Erwin once told him. These guys wanted to know what they were investing their money into, and seeing as they're spineless cowards there was a fat chance of ever bringing them into the battle fields. Where the real terror lies. So instead they are allowed into these secret meetings where even very few of the most elite soldiers and commanders could gain entry to. Even if they had no relevance to the discussions they are allowed to make changes to their final decisions. Sometimes these changes brought upon many unnecessary sacrifices, but there was nothing they could do about it.

He gave them all a dirty look before Erwin cleared his throat and started speaking, "The scouting legions has minimized their activity for the past month due to requests from the capital. However, recent reports have presented several issues we believe needs to be taken care of," he turned to the women sitting off to his right, "Hanji?"

"Ah yes commander Erwin," Hanji pushed up her glasses and picked up some papers from the desk in front of her. "First of all, I would like to bring back to the issue which appeared several months back. Titans were spotted within Wall Rose. However, after several inspections we found no breach within the wall." She looked up and squinted her eyes at the capital officials before empathizing her next point, "Because we do not know the source of these titans, there are no guarantees that they won't appear within the inner walls too."

That caused quite a amount of disturbance within the meeting room, whispers broke out and panic faces surfaced. Rivaille inspected Erwin and Hanji, but as always he couldn't tell what they were thinking. What are you planning?

"But that's not all," Hanji continued, "there were also reports from some of the surviving soldiers that a mysterious ape-formed Titan appeared and was last seen on the top of Wall Sina."

"B-But there's no guarantee we can trust the words of a few soldiers either!" A voice broke out from the middle of the table. "How do you know they're not lying?!"

"Rest assured we have confirmed that the witnesses have no reason to lie." Erwin said, "Please continue, Hanji."

"Yes sir," she replied and turned the page on her hand over to the other side, "A recent report submitted also offered several more witnesses. A village of farmers near the Northeast region of Wall Rose claimed they sighted the mysterious ape Titan several nights before this current meeting. To further investigate the appearance of this new species we would like to appeal the capital's approval of setting up a camp near the site where it was last spotted."

"This will simply be a short investigation, we estimate the operation will take no more than 3 days." Erwin added, "Are there any objections?"

"Yes," another voice came out from the left end of the table. A man in his 40s stood up and glared at the commander, "We're not stupid Erwin. We've fallen for many of your tricks before and personally, I do not see the reason to hold a meeting for such a small operation." Several heads nodded in agreement, "What is the real meaning behind this? We're tired of learning the truth after our investments go down the drain."

"We're not hiding anything, we simply believe that the results of this investigation could be useful towards mankind's understanding of these creatures-"

"Well if this is really as insignificant as you say, then I demand that a limit will be set to the number of soldiers sent to this mission," the man crossed his arms, "After all, protecting the civilians is more important am I wrong? In these times there's no say as to when the titans will attack again, and if we were to waste anymore people and money in useless side missions such as these that would become problematic, no?"

Hanji and Erwin exchanged a look, and after a moment of hesitation Erwin spoke again. "Very well, only a small amount of specially hand picked group of soldiers will head towards the site. Are there anymore objections?" Silence filled the room, only interrupted when the man who spoken out earlier sat down in his chair. "Then this meeting's adjourned."

After the room emptied out Rivaille turned towards the commander and spat out "What the hell were you thinking? Those grounds aren't a hundred percent redeemed safe yet, if Titans were to attack-"

"Rivaille, I entrust this operation to you," Erwin answered without glancing up from the papers. "Hanji will explain everything to you later in details. You two will also have to pick out the group before sunrise tomorrow. There isn't much time left, the ape titian might have already left the site as we speak. Choose the people well." He concluded before shuffling the documents and standing up. "Also, I suggest you include Eren Yeager in this operation. He could deem to be more useful than you'd think." And with that he was out of the door, leaving Hanji and Rivaille alone in the empty room.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Man you can never tell what the commander is thinking," Hanji sighed as they were walking back to their dorms. It took them the rest of that evening but everything was explained and they finally picked out the member of the investigation group. Now with the officials no where in sight Hanji was back to her normal, cheerful self. "It's almost midnight... boy am I beat! You'd better go back to your room and rest yourself too Heichou, we've got a long day tomorrow."

"Yea yea," Rivaille grumbled and left her in the front of her dorm. As he slowly climbed the stone staircase of their temporary HQ he heard an sound. He stopped in his tracks and listened carefully.

Footstep, so gentle and quiet it was barely audible.

Curiosity took over him and he stealthily followed after the wandering figure. Who was sneaking out at this time of the night? He thought to himself, they were suppose to be in bed by 10.

The shadow turned a corner and went back the way Rivaille came from. Are they going outside? Soon they were out under the moonlight. The corporal quickly scanned the area to see if he'd lost the person, and much to his relief he saw the figure running in the distance. Towards the forest.

Without a thought of hesitation the corporal followed after the mysterious character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh thank you so much for all your positive reviews! I still need to figure what to name these chapters aha. This chapter's main purpose was to make our little Eren jealous~ so hopefully the rivamika isn't bothering you guys too much. Chapter three will be completely mikaere (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ
> 
> You guy's feedback really gave me a lot of inspiration to keep writing, so please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

The hot water ran down her built figure and turned murky before it drained down the bath. It has been a long day and Mikasa felt the fatigue kicking in. The cleaning duties today were simple: wash the windows of the lower HQ. In fact, it was one of Mikasa's favourite because she got to use her 3D Manoeuvre Gear for the task. Operating the machinery has become almost a second nature for her. She enjoyed the feeling of wind blowing against her face, the sound of her precious scarf flapping behind her, and the adrenaline that comes with the ups and downs of the ride. Some people call her a genius but in truth it's because before in her trainee days she would sometimes sneak out at night when everyone's asleep, and soar through the nearby forests for practice.

But the simple days were gone. Now in the real battlefield, Mikasa barely got any time to herself. It has been tough, she barely got to see Eren and Armin and every night by the time she returns to her dorm she would collapse from exhaustion. She has to admit training with the corporal had been very beneficial, even though he made her go through hell everyday the results gained were clearly there.

Her thoughts wandered back to the 3D Manoeuvre Gear; what was once a relaxing experience has turned into nothing but despair and horror in the mere months since she joined the scouting legion. Every time she fired the wires only desperate thoughts that feared for her comrades' lives filled her mind, and every time she made a perfect landing only silent prayers of living through another mission sounded beside her ears. What used to be something for her to escape now became nothing but an essential survival tool.

With that thought in mind she annoying slammed her hand on the shower handle, closing the rushing water. After she finished drying herself and stepped out of the girl's washroom Mikasa decided to return to her room. The hall was empty, just like the shower rooms. Mikasa has gotten used to this silence; lately whenever she entered the dorm area it'd usually be either late at night or at some other weird hour of the day where no one would be around, much like now. She checked a nearby clock; it's almost time for dinner. They're probably all helping out at the kitchen right now, she concluded.

"Maybe I can have dinner with them today." She thought out loud. It's been so long since the last time she could slow down and eat with everyone. Mikasa tightened the scarf around her neck and smiled to herself as she turned and walked towards the direction of the dining hall.

\-------------------------------------------------------

When she entered everyone had already began their meals, thus gaining her more unnecessary attention for the second time in the day. A few faces she didn't recognize stared at her with awe and admiration. Since when did people start looking at me like that? She wondered to herself and walked towards a familiar table.

"Mikasa!" Christa was the first to shout out to her, and everyone's head at the table turned in her direction. "Mikasa are you eating with us today?" Armin inquired as the corners of his lips curled upwards.

"Yea... the corporal let me off early today."

Sasha's eyes gleamed and scooched over to make room for her, her mouth was filled with bread as usual. Beside her Eren gave Mikasa a strange look before resuming to eating his food.

They haven't changed a bit. She inwardly smiled to herself and sat down in the space between Sasha and Eren. But something was off... Eren didn't say hi to her like usual and he seemed to be bothered by her presence. She cocked an eyebrow in his direction before reaching for a plate and some food before her. "Everyone's eating together at the same table..." She observed.

"Yea... After... You know, those two left," Armin quietly answered from the other side of Eren, "The tables became a bit empty so we decided to eat together." Silence filled the air temporary before Jean spoke up, breaking the sad reminder of their friends' betrayal. "Yea it's not like I enjoy eating with these punks or anything but with the new reinforcements the dining hall is getting a bit crowded."

"Oh? And what makes you think we want to eat with you?" Ymir scoffed at him from the other end of the table. "Huh? What you looking for a fight? Don't forget you almost turned into one of them too!" Jean spat back.

"Okay that's it, you're dead kid." And with that the two started fighting.

"Haha there they go again," Connie laughed care-freely as Christa joined in in an attempt to stop them, "Oh yea Mikasa, we didn't catch you today after that performance you and the corporal put on but-" he stood up and slammed his hands on top of the table, as if he was about the declare something ground-breaking. "That... Was... AMAZING!" He stressed the last word and threw his hands up in the air for exaggeration.

"Yea! Do you guys do that every day?" Sasha finally finished swallowing her food and joined in.

"Now, now, guys we should let her eat, she's probably really tired after something like that right?" Armin suggested but then shyly added, "But... I am curious too... As to what they do in special trainings."

A bit taken back by their sudden curiosity Mikasa was left a bit speechless. Under normal circumstances the old Mikasa Ackerman would've given a simple quiet one-word answer before ignoring them again. However, being away from everyone for so long has made her a bit reminiscent, and she really did missed talking to these guys.

"Well..." She reluctantly answered as their heads leaned in closer in anticipation. Sighing before she finally gave in to their sparkling eyes, Mikasa continued, "In the beginning the corporal made me do some everyday trainee courses much like the ones you guys go through every day. But then a little after a week he decided to make us go through this private training program designed by Hanji-San."

"So what it's like some sort of elite special training course? That's so cool!" Connie exclaimed and Armin nodded beside him in agreement, "What kind of stuff do you guys do?"

"The same basic courses like you guys, 3D Manoeuvre Gear practice, reflexes, speed, etc. Except they're a lot more fast paced and we do it in the huge forest beside the HQ."

"Who cares about all of that?! More importantly how's the corporal?" Sasha interrupted.

"How's the... Corporal?" Mikasa repeated her question, a bit confused as to what she's asking. "How's Lance Corporal Rivaille? Who else? Humanity strongest solider? I still can't believe you got to work with someone so high ranked!"

"He's nothing but an annoying brat," Mikasa allowed a bit of annoyance to enter her tone, "but... I guess he really is strong... Stronger than any of us, and he really is a great leader. Rivaille takes really good care of his team; he's the type that would protect anyone if they're in danger, even if you're a complete stranger."

"Then why don't you just join his team and stop coming here once and for all." A bitter voice cut through the air like a sharp blade, completely destroying the happy atmosphere from moments before. Everyone at the table turned their heads toward the source of the comment, and saw that Eren, for the first time since Mikasa appeared, spoke a word.

"E-Eren what's wrong with you? Are you okay?" Armin stuttered, looking a bit concerned at his childhood friend. "Is something wrong?" Mikasa quickly caught on and joined in. Her sensor for Eren hasn't dulled a bit over the past weeks.

"Is something wrong?" Eren spat back at her, completely ignoring Armin's comment, "I see you the first time in weeks and this is the first thing you ask me? Really Mikasa? I told you to stop babying me I can take care of myself."

Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows, where was all this coming from? "I'm asking you because I'm concerned! I'm always concerned about you Ere-"

"Didn't I tell you I never asked for any of this? Gosh just leave me alone."

Now Mikasa was upset. It's been so long since she last talked to him and the first thing they do is get into another fight. She's been looking forwards to this too.

Why does this always happen... "I'm sorry Eren... I'm just-"

"Don't listen to him, I bet that brat's just whining for attention." Jean sighed; his little quarrel with Ymir was apparently over.

"Attention? Who'd want attention from an annoying bitch like her?" Eren rebutted.

"Ouch" Mikasa heard Ymir comment somewhere in the background. But she barely heard it over the noise forming in her head. She's right, ouch, that hurt. Mikasa casted her eyes downward, why does she always end up making him mad? "Why won't you just let me protect you Eren... Do you really want me to leave that badly...?"

"I told you!" Eren furiously stood up, knocking the chair he was sitting on over in the process, "I. Don't. Need. You. To protect me!" He stressed on the 'you' word and marched towards the door.

Under normal circumstance, Mikasa would've let him go. It wasn't like she's not used to this anyways. But today. Today she was tired. Her muscles ached, her head hurt, it took her all the effort she had to even stay awake. She came all the way to dinner so she could see him, because she really missed him. But it was clear that was only one sided and she's had enough.

"If I don't protect you then who will?" She stood up too and shouted. Everyone's eyes widened a bit at her sudden outburst, Mikasa normally never expressed her emotions out loud like this. "Do you think you can survive without any of our help? I let you go once and I almost lost you... No... Not once. Three times Eren. Three times you almost died and that's three too many! I won't let you die Eren, I promised-"

"NO! Stop acting like you own me okay Mikasa? You don't. No one does. My life is in my hand and it's up to ME what I want to do with it. I could've lived anyways without you being there anyways, I don't need you. In case you forgot I can change into a Titan now, so stop acting like you're still stronger and more superior to me. If I had known you would be this much of a bother I'd never have saved you all those yea-"

"EREN!" Armin shouted, stopping his rant, "Don't forget you're still under supervision Eren don't make a scene!"

Her world spun around her and her eyes widened in shock. The buzzing noise grew louder at the back of her head and Eren's words echoed in her ears.

Why does it always end like this...

"I promised your mom I would protect you." She finished her sentence in a whisper before her vision blurred. The whole dining hall was quiet, their fight brought more unnecessary attention for her the third time, in one day.

Tears swam at the edge of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. A little distance in front of her Eren seemed to finally realize what he almost said. Regret showed on his face and he opened his mouth to say something. "It's okay Eren. You don't need to finish your sentence; I know what you were going to say." She mustered the strength to put up the most emotionless face she could in the situation before slowly heading out the door. Her shoes clanked across the wooden floors of the dinner and all heads turned in her direction as she gradually made her way to the exit, holding her head up as high as she could. Even if her insides were now completely shattered she couldn't risk showing even a fraction of her emotion to the world. If she did she would be breaking down and crying in front of the majority of the scouting legions' members, and her pride would never allow that to happen.

Once she was a good distance away from the hall she started running, Armin was probably going to come out any moment now anyways and she doesn't want to bother him with her problems. After all she did bring this all upon herself.

Mikasa ran until she was out of the building, the sun was slowly setting behind the wall in the horizon and the sky was painted blood red. She headed towards the shed located near the edge of the campground. As it grew closer the caretaker noticed her and called out to her, "Mikasa! What are you doing out here so late in the evening-?"

"Sorry I need to get my 3D Manoeuvre Gear, Rivaille called for last minute training." Mikasa was trying so hard to not let her voice crack. She grabbed her set from the racks and sprinted out before the caretaker could say anything else. As she ran away she heard him noting to himself "but I thought he had a meeting today..."

Mikasa didn't dare returning to her dorm, she knew that if she did she would break and cry the moment she became alone. The HQ was made of stones so it wasn't exactly sound proof, and the last thing she wanted was to let her dorm mates think what a crybaby she was.

She stopped momentarily beside the training grounds to equip her 3D Manoeuvre Gear before running off towards the forest again. As she reached the edge she leaped and let her wires sprung upwards into the darkness. The sun was now completely set and Mikasa closed her eyes before she felt herself being propelled into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait but here's Chapter 3! Hmm I wonder whatever made Eren so angry... don't you? Haha no worries the next chapter will be a retell of this one... but through Eren's perspective! I'll try to write as much as I can this week before school starts so prepare to be spammed soon~ But after school starts updates are probably gonna die down a lot so let's see how far I can get into this story before that happens.
> 
> Once again thank you for reading and please send me reviews so I know what you guys think! They really do help a lot


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of that afternoon was unbearable. Images of Rivaille and Mikasa's combat kept on flashing through his mind. Their movements were so smooth, each hit were carefully measured and they left no room for the other's come back. They were so graceful, yet so powerful at the same time.

There was something about the way those two moved, how they were perfectly in sync. Eren over heard some girls gossiping after the crowd had parted and they were furiously exchanging comments on how well they thought those two paired together.

"Are they going out?"

"Who knows? I've seen them together a lot lately"

"Wow, humanity's two strongest soldiers... It's like they were made for each other!"

"Haha how romantic right?"

He had shot some dirty glares at their direction which they promptly ignored. Eren was frustrated, why was he getting upset over something like this? Mikasa was strong, she could train with whoever she wanted, and it was none of his business anyways. Yea that's right, he wasn't going to barge into other people's live like how Mikasa-

"Watch out Eren!" He barely heard Armin's shout before he crashed face first into a log. Grunting, he slowly pulled himself up with his arms. Why couldn't he concentrate anymore?

"Are you alright Eren? You haven't been focusing well since break." Armin's head appeared above him, blocking the blinding sun rays, "Do you need me to bring you to the shade?"

Eren was about to refuse the offer and tried to stand up by himself, which failed instantly as he came crashing right back down. His mind was in a daze from the heat and the impact. Seeing his friend's poor attempt Armin grasped the concept of the situation and shouted over his shoulder, "Excuse me Leader! I would like permission to bring Eren out into the shade for a moment; he doesn't seem to be feeling well."

"Alright Arlert but you two better make this quick!"

"Yes, Sir!" He shouted back before offering a hand to Eren who was still on the ground. "Come on, let's get you into the shade."

Eren stumbled into the refuge of the canopy in the nearby forest, the coolness welcomed him and he fell contently onto the soft green grass. The wind swayed through the trees, rustling the leaves creating a beautiful melody. He felt sleep slowly entering his brain and he closed his eyes, letting it overtake him. Eren couldn't remember when was the last time he got to relax like this. Back in their home town it was rather rare too, he would drift into naps but it'd be quickly interrupted by Mikasa who'd always be there to wake him up. His eyes opened again and his thoughts wandered back to the events at noon for the countless time today.

"That was quite a show today wasn't it?" Sometimes he swears Armin's a goddamn esper. Eren lazily looked over at his blonde childhood friend with a questioned look on his face. "What... Did you think of it Eren?"

"Huh? What do you mean what did I think of it?" He shot back, a bit annoyed by the question itself.

"O-Oh no, it's just that..." Armin paused and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, "You seemed to be in a bad mood ever since it happened so I wanted to ask if it was bothering you or anything."

"Bothering me? Why would something like that bother me?" That's right... Why would something like this bother him? Eren's mind flashed back once more to how swiftly Mikasa pulled off her shirt, without any hesitation or signs of embarrassment.

"Tsk-" He scoffed and leaned onto his right arm, turning his back to Armin. Eren snugged his head into the nooks of his elbow in an attempt to hide his beet red face. So what he's seen Mikasa half-naked before, how was it any different this time? Sure they were only kids but Mikasa was still just Mikasa. Other than the fact that now she's probably more jacked the he ever will be, her cleavage grew a little (he tried to look away but failed miserably), she was beginning to get curves, and-

"What the hell?" Eren exclaimed and shot himself up from the ground, still facing away from Armin he covered his nose slightly to hide the blush still visible one his face. The heat was really getting into him today, he thought as he vigorously shook the thought out of his mind.

"Um- Eren are you okay?" He heard a concerned voice a little to the left of him; he quickly rummaged through his brain for an excuse to cover up his outburst. "Uh. Yea, sorry there was just a bug."

"Okay...?" Armin didn't sound very convinced but didn't push him any further. "Did you hear though Eren? About, you know."

"What?" He demanded sharply, suddenly remembering the conversation he overheard.

"Jean's going to ask Mikasa out."

What the-

"Wait what? Jean liked Mikasa? Since when? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Armin gave him a blank stare Eren didn't know he was capable of, and he swore for a moment there the usual cheerful blonde seemed to have turned into stone.

"Eren, I'm sorry but you're so dense I think it can almost pass as stupidity."

"Huh? Are you picking a fight or something? This isn't like you." Eren felt the anger slowly rising in him. Underneath the feeling of betrayal that he never knew of such an important thing he felt that weird tingle again, but he's too annoyed right now to deal with it. Jean had always pissed him off in some unexplainable way, and he always picked fights with him over the smallest thing. But who could've thought? Eren was turning so mad that he's starting to get angry at himself too. How did he not notice? How could he let something like this happen underneath his nose and not notice?

"She's out of his league," he blurted out without realizing what he said. Armin was still looking at him in slight shock, but he no long held that dreadful lifeless glare. Good, that was starting to scare Eren a bit.

Armin sighed and stood up, "He's going to ask her out today in the late evening. We should go back now." And with that he helped Eren to his feet and started running back into the field. Eren reluctantly followed after him.

Great, now I'm definitely not going to be able to concentrate.

\----------------------------------------

When dinner time rolled around Eren was not as much physically exhausted as he was mentally. For the rest of that afternoon the only things he had on his mind were constant circulation between Mikasa and Jean and Mikasa and Rivaille. Honestly, he has to find Armin sometime later today so he could have a talk with him. What in the world was happening? He didn't really in particularly care so why was he so frustrated?

Sighing he leaned his head against the wooden table just as he heard the doors to the diner open and Christa called out cheerfully a few seats down from him, "Mikasa!"

Eren inwardly cursed to himself, of all the days why today? He was not in a mood to see her, where was she all the other times when he did?

"Mikasa are you eating with us today?"

"Yea... the corporal let me off early today."

A vine popped near his temple, for some reason the way she said corporal sickened him to the stomach. He gave her a quick glare and found her examining him with much concern; Eren quickly looked down at the bread in front of him to avoid eye contact. He had always hated how she looked at him that way, like he was some weakling in need of her protection.

His heart sank a bit as a part of him reminded him that he was. Mikasa was strong, and she'll never see the need for him to protect her, only the other way around. Eren slowly drifted off into his own thoughts until he was interrupted by Connie, "...and the corporal..."

They're talking about the corporal again? What's so good about that guy anyways?

"That... Was... AMAZING!"

"Yea! Do you guys do that every day?"

"Now, now, guys we should let her eat, she's probably really tired after something like that right? But... I am curious too... As to what they do in special trainings."

Eren laughed a bit, what did they think they were going to get out of Mikasa? This is Mikasa. She barely talked, less alone answer questions.

"Well..."

Much to Eren's surprise, Mikasa started talking. At first a bit reluctant, then slowly she quickened up the pace, rambling on about the training she had to go through with the corporal. In fact, he doesn't think he has ever seen her talk so much.

"Who cares about all of that?! More importantly how's the corporal?"

"How's the... Corporal?"

"How's Lance Corporal Rivaille? Who else? Humanity strongest solider? I still can't believe you got to work with someone so high ranked!"

"He's nothing but an annoying brat." Good, she sounded annoyed. Wait no, why was he glad that she doesn't seem interested in him? Eren felt like his brain was going to explode. He's turning into a Mikasa, he realized with much horror, always worrying about other people.

So that's what it was, Eren sighed with relief. It's probably because she's been away for so long that he's starting to become like her to fill her gap. Yes that's probably it. Eren smiled to himself and was about to join in the conversation when-

"But... I guess he really is strong..."

Those words cut through him like knives.

"Stronger than any of us, and he really is a great leader."

Eren had always known. He knew he was weak, as much as he hated to admit it, and when he was able to work with the corporal he couldn't help but admired how strong he was. He wanted to become like him, he aimed to become someone like him. Someone who could protect everyone around them, someone strong enough to protect even the strongest, like Mikasa.

"Rivaille takes really good care of his team; he's the type that would protect anyone if they're in danger, even if you're a complete stranger."

Rivaille... Eren's eyes widened a bit and turned to her in disbelief. When he was in the special squad he remembered the corporal had always corrected anyone who tried to address him informally. "That's corporal to you, Yeager." So of course he's corrected Mikasa too right? But then why... Why was she speaking his name so gently and casually like it's no big deal? Could it be that the corporal had given her permission? No way. He wouldn't. And was that a slight smile he sees on her lips? Eren couldn't even remember when the last time he saw her smile was. He stared back down at his half-eaten bread and clinched his fists together.

"Then why don't you just join his team and stop coming here once and for all?"

The table suddenly turned eerily silent as all heads looked in his direction. "Is something wrong?" He heard her say, Armin also commented something in the background but Eren ignored it.

"Is something wrong?" Eren spat back at her, "I see you the first time in weeks and this is the first thing you ask me? Really Mikasa? I told you to stop babying me I can take care of myself."

Some people might think that Eren hates Mikasa and regards her as nothing but a nuisance, but that's not true. Eren knew that deep in his heart Mikasa was very important to him, but whenever he saw her being over-protective he temporary forgets all that.

"I'm asking you because I'm concerned! I'm always concerned about you Ere-"

"Didn't I tell you I never asked for any of this? Gosh just leave me alone."

When Mikasa first came into the Yeager household, Eren adored her and treated her like a little doll. He'd take her everywhere with him to make sure she doesn't get lost, and held her close at night whenever she got scared. But then gradually as they grew up, things changed. It was almost as if they had switched roles. Instead of protecting her he became the protected one, and he hated that. Whenever Mikasa goes into that mood it's like a switch turns on inside of him and he loses all rations and control. He knew that and he's said some pretty hurtful things before, but he didn't know how to control this.

"I'm sorry Eren... I'm just-"

"Don't listen to him, I bet that brat's just whining for attention." A voice interrupted, Eren furiously turned his head in Jean's direction. "Jean's going to ask Mikasa out." Armin's voice replayed in his head. He's never been particularly fond of him but in that moment Eren hated Jean, he hated everything about him. That snobby voice, the questioning look, and the carefree arrogance, what does he knows? Before he entered the scouting legion that bastard knew nothing of the true terror that lay beyond the walls, yet he'd brag about his treasonous goals. How dare he even think of laying a finger on Mikasa? She's, no... They'd, been through 10 times more than what he has ever experienced in his short pitiful life. How dare he even put her down onto the same level as him? And Mikasa, Mikasa, did you know? She must've known. There's no way she couldn't have according to Armin. Then why? Why didn't she reject him right away? Unless-

"Attention? Who'd want attention from an annoying bitch like her?"

That's right, she knew, she definitely knew. All this time he had been the only one left in the dark... Did they purposely keep this a secret from him?

"Why won't you just let me protect you Eren... Do you really want me to leave that badly...?"

"I told you!" Things are starting to get out of control; at this rate his anger was going to consume him. He needed to get out of there before anything worst happened. "I. Don't. Need. YOU. To protect me!" It wasn't supposed to be this way.

As he stomped over to the door Mikasa screamed, stopping him in his tracks. "If I don't protect you then who will? Do you think you can survive without any of our help? I let you go once and I almost lost you... No... Not once. Three times Eren. Three times you almost died and that's three too many! I won't let you die Eren, I promised-"

"NO! Stop acting like you own me okay Mikasa?"

Stop protecting me.

"You don't. No one does. My life is in my hand and it's up to ME what I want to do with it. I could've lived anyways without you being there anyways, I don't need you."

I don't need you to risk your life saving me, it's not worth it. Why don't you trust me?

"In case you forgot I can change into a Titan now, so stop acting like you're still stronger and more superior to me."

Why...? Even when I finally got this power, when I finally thought I could be the one who can protect you again...

"If I had known you would be this much of a bother I'd never have saved you all those yea-"

"EREN!" Armin barged into the conversation, "Don't forget you're still under supervision Eren don't make a scene!"

Eren's eyes grew wide as he suddenly snapped back into reality. The whole diner was eerily silent now, and he realized all eyes were on him. Did they make that much of a scene? Eren looked and saw the desperation in Armin's eyes, desperation and fear.

Wait... What happened...? What did he do-

Mikasa whispered something and everything came back to him. What have I done...? Before he could apologize she lifted her head up and said in an ice cold tone, "It's okay Eren. You don't need to finish your sentence; I know what you were going to say."

And then, Eren saw something behind her eyes flash. It was just a split second, but in that split second he was suddenly brought back to that winter night years ago. That night when he saved her, she had stared at him with the same sorrowful, dead, eyes. Eyes that held nothing but despair and angst, empty black holes.

When Mikasa turned and headed out of the door, he couldn't say anything. He just stood there and watched, and as she grew closer to the exit something stirred inside him. He'd never felt anything like that before, it was a kind of unexplainable fear. That fear stunned him, and it wasn't until she was out of the hall and Jean punched him on the side of the face did he come out of that trance.

"You bastard! You go after her and apologize right now!" Jean screamed at him. For once Eren didn't fight back; instead he just stared blankly at the floor in front of him.

What have I done?


	5. Chapter 5

It didn't take long before the shadow figured out that Rivaille was trailing it, as soon as they reached the edge of the forest it leaped and shot its 3D Maneuver Gear into the darkness with absolute precision. Rivaille hastily followed, his curiosity got the better of him. However, shortly after they took off the figure made a near fatal mistake as its wires hooked on to a tree at a wrong angle, forcing it to crash into the ground. Snatching the opportunity Rivaille landed gracefully beside the fallen figure and leashed his swords. "Who are you? Why are you out at such late hour?"

The person at his feet sluggishly looked up at him, reacting at the sound of his voice. It was a cloudy night, the moon was barely visible through the thick clouds and Rivaille was unable to distinguish the face in front of him. "Answer me or mark my words I will slay you right here!" He threatened, leaving no room for doubt in his tone.

His eyes were slowly starting to adjust to the dark, and he could see that the shadow in front of him was slightly trembling. From fear? No. Rivaille could spot fear faster than anyone else in the legion and this was definitely not... Fear.

The moon broke through the clouds and shined a bright ray in their direction, revealing a red scarf at the base of the figure's neck. A bit taken back Rivaille loosened the grip on his sword, "Ackerman...?"

The clouds were now completely gone from the moon's view and light shone through the meadow they had stopped at, casting a bluish glow to their surroundings. The black haired women in front of him slowly got to her feet and stood there silently. "Answer my question Ackerman, why did you sneak out of the dorms-"

"I ran out of gas so I came back to get some more from the basement."

So she was out before already? The nerve this woman had! And she didn't even answer his question! Rivaille angrily remarked to himself, and before he got an opportunity to voice his discontentment she interrupted him again. "Could you please stop pointing that sword at me?"

He didn't realize he was still holding the gear in his hands; a bit unwillingly the corporal put them back into their slots. Then he remembered those trembles moments before, "Are you hurt Ackerman?"

It took a while before a quiet reply came from the girl in front of him, "No."

"Then let us head back, we have a mission starting tomorrow morning." Rivaille was starting to lose his patience, "I want a full explanation once we get back to the dorms as to why-" he turned to make sure she was following him but was greeted by a sight that left him speechless. Before Mikasa's head was mostly in the shadows of the trees so he didn't have a good look at her features, but after taking a few steps her face was now clearly visible under the moonlight.

Ackerman's hair was in a complete mess, it looked windblown, except twice as worst; her eyes were red and swollen and they refused to make eye contact with his; her nose was also in a similar condition; and a bit of dried blood could be identified at the edge of her mouth.

"Were you...-"

"It's none of your concern Rivaille." She replied and quickly walked past him towards their earlier entrance so he won't be able to get a better look at her face.

Rivaille shrugged and followed, "I don't recall ever saying I was concerned."

The walk to the HQ was extremely silent and awkward; Mikasa broke a belt when she fell so the 3D Maneuver Gear was now useless. If his observations were correct, and they usually were, it was clear that Ackerman had been crying. Which must've been a rare sight, he thought to himself, no wonder she'd come hide out in the forest.

"What in the world were you thinking? Look at how dark it is out right now; if I hadn't caught up to you and stopped you there an accident was bound to occur." The moon was dimming again, but they were able to find their way by following a trail of lanterns on the ground. Thank god she landed somewhere near the training blocks. Mikasa sulked slowly in front of him, and Rivaille felt his patience wearing out.

"I don't know what your problem is Ackerman but don't you dare do pull another funny move," he threatened, "I could have you expelled from the legion if I catch you being this reckless again. In fact, you should be receiving punishment for breaking scouting property and for the usage of equipment outside of training and battle; if it weren't for the mission tomorrow I'd have you on a hook by now."

She mumbled something and Rivaille demanded, "Speak louder Ackerman I can't hear you."

Mikasa abruptly stopped a few feet away from him. They were almost at the edge of the forest; in the distance one could spot the dimming lights from the HQ. She spun around and faced him, eyes filled with fury. "Then why don't you just expel me right now?"

Keeping his poker face he replied matter-of-factly, "I can do that if that's what you want."

The fire died from behind her eyes and her shoulders slumped again, she turned around. "Maybe it'll be better if am... In fact maybe it would've been for the best if I died 7 years ago." It was so quiet that the corporal strained his ears to hear it; she almost seemed like she was talking to herself.

Wait, could this be about... "What did that brat do this time?" Judging from her reaction he was right on point. Her head turned and gave him a surprised look before quickly avoiding eye contact once more.

Ackerman was so attached. That sort of unconditional love she had felt for Eren reminded him much of another girl he used to know. Before their fateful encounter with the female Titan he remembered Petra used to be much like her. She would heed any of his calls and requests, no matter how unreasonable; She'd always follow him around to make sure nothing happens, not that anything would anyways to humanity's strongest; and it didn't matter how many times he swiped her to the side she'd always come back. Petra had stared at him with the same eyes that Ackerman had at Eren.

All that time he pretended to not notice, as obvious as it was. Which was totally different from Yeager's case, that child was just plain stupid. But he could see the hurt in Ackerman's eyes whenever Eren told her to stop protecting him, just as he could before whenever he told Petra to stop bothering him. Rivaille used to always remind Petra, that in this line of work attachments were off limits. Everyday someone dies, and it could be you any day if you're not careful. That was his way of rejecting her, and rejecting himself.

"Tsk," Now Rivaille was definitely pissed; he thought he had gotten over her death ages ago, but now a miniscule wave of pain was weaving its way into his heart. In one swift movement he propelled himself forward and grabbed Ackerman's scarf, pinning her to a nearby tree. His height was definitely a disadvantage so he landed on top of its roots. Pulling her face towards his he permitted a scowl upon his expression. "Answer me," his voice was low and dangerous, "What did the brat do?"

Mikasa was taken back from the sudden closure of their distance and attempted to look away, which followed by Rivaille impatiently yanking her head back towards his direction. Giving in, she answered him, "We... Got into a fight."

Rivaille continued to stare at her with a demanding look, cocking an eyebrow indicating her to continue. She sighed, realizing there was no way out of this situation. "It was pretty bad. I lost my temper too, it was my fault. I started being over protective again and Eren..." Tears started welling around the corners of her eyes but she fought hard to push them back, "Eren said... It would've been better if he'd never saved me..." Her sentences faded into small chokes. Rivaille loosened his hold on her scarf and let her go, leaning back he placed his hand on the nearby trunk.

It was heart breaking to watch. Most people assumed that the corporal was a cold and heartless man from his outer appearance, but that was not the case. It pained Rivaille when he saw Petra's father broke down in front of him after he'd told him the news, just as it pained him now to watch one of the strongest girl he's ever known cry.

Rivaille was never good at comforting people or communicating with others in the first place, so for several minutes he just awkwardly stood there as she sobbed into her hands. When she calmed down a bit he attempted to restart the conversation with a question. "Why are you so attached to that kid?"

Mikasa slowly put her fingers around the red fabric surrounding her neck and quietly answered, "He saved my life, so I've decided I'd repay the favour no matter what."

"Corporal, thank you for saving my life! In return I'm going to repay you the favour no matter what from now on!"

A familiar cheerful voice flashed through his mind and Rivallie's eyes widened. They were so similar... Too similar.

Angry rose in him, this time entwined with reminiscence and sorrow. He grabbed her scarf again and slammed her back onto the tree, cornering her with his other hand placed at the opposite side of her face. His banes covered his eyes and he clenched his teeth together.

"Listen here you little bastard, I don't want to babysit you all day so I'm only going to say this once okay? Stop sulking around, the brat's not worth it. In case you didn't realize yet people die around here every day, we don't have time to deal with shit like this. What are you going to do if you're forced to leave him one day? Huh? Or worse how are you even going to goddam live if he dies one day?" Her eyes widened with shock and he pushed her scarf back onto her, releasing it at the same time. Rivaille snorted and continued, "Don't make me laugh; it can't be that you've never thought about that before? Look this isn't some sort of romance novel we're living here, this is reality. How in the world do you expect yourself to fight in this condition tomorrow? We need you Ackerman, you're strong. Stronger than that brat definitely, so how are you going to protect him tomorrow if you're all gloomy and sulking like this?"

That was the first time the corporal had ever gave Mikasa anything close to a compliment, her eyes lit up for a slight moment before returning to her usual dull orbs. They stood there and stared at each other for a while, Rivaille had to make sure his message got across.

Don't make the same mistakes she did and die too, Ackerman.

A sound of a snapped twig nearby disrupted their moment and they both reeled their head toward a glow in the near distance. "Who's there?" Rivaille sharply asked.

"I-it's Armin Arlert and Eren Yeager, sir!" As the light source grew closer their faces came into view. "E-Eren!" Mikasa gasped and instantly moved away from the corporal. Rivaille suddenly realized how close their faces were and backed away too in slight embarrassment. Tsk, bad timing Yeager. Of all the times he just had to come now. Rivaille could just imagine how their position had looked like to bystanders; this was bound to cause a misunderstanding.

The corporal's suspicions were proven to be correct when he looked up and saw a fierce pair of Caribbean Green orbs glare in his direction. Then Eren turned to Mikasa and shot her a look of disgust and disbelief. "Arlert, what do you think you're doing out at this time of the night?"

"We should be asking you two that." Eren fumed.

"Oh?" Rivallie's eyes gleamed maliciously, "Haven't you learned that you should never talk back to your superiors? Or do I need to put you back in your rightful place again?" He saw fear flash through Eren's eyes as the courtroom incidence replayed in his brain.

"Don't you dare Rivaille." Mikasa glowered by his side. The corporal noted inwardly how Eren flinched when she said his name. Oh? Is that brat jealous?

"Um sir, we were about to head on to the dorms to check on Mikasa when we saw figures heading towards the forest. So we went back and got some lanterns before coming back out to patrol the area-"

"Shut up Armin." Eren ordered, "Who said that we were going to visit her? Only you did. Whatever, this was a waste of our time, let's head back."

"Eren..." Mikasa chased after him and reached for his wrist. Eren violently flung her hand away from him before it even touched his and told her coldly, "Don't you fucking touch me."

Ackerman stood there, dazed for a slight second before despair and sorrow showed on her face. Then, gathering her strength to say what seemed to be her last resort, "Eren!" She called after him; he stopped and with his back still turned, answered "What do you want with me?"

"Eren... I-"

I-…? Was this going to be a confession?

"…Aishiteru, Eren."

Iyishitelu? What the hell was that? Some kind of code language? Rivaille scoffed, he didn't have the time or energy anymore to deal with these kids playing house, he needed his rest.

Then he realized it's been silent for a while. Yeager's shoulder seemed to have relaxed momentarily before tensing again. With his back still facing them, Eren tilted his head to the side and spoke in a voice that was barely audible.

"I really wish you didn't."

Rivaille practically felt the life drain out of Ackerman. Everything suddenly went limp, her eyes glossed over, and a pained expression entered her usual emotionless face. He didn't want to deal with a crying kid again so he quickly gave orders, "Arlert! Take Ackerman back to her dorm. Where do you think you're going Yeager? I need to talk to you."

Armin hurriedly went to Mikasa's side and helped her to the building. Rivaille waved his hand, mentioning Eren to follow him to the other side of the dorms. After a while they reached an empty hall, and Rivaille turned to face the boy sulking behind him.

"Are you here to talk to me about Mikasa corporal? If you are then please save it." Eren said as politely as he could, though Rivaille could still hear the spite in his tone.

"As much as you think I'm interested in Ackerman, rest assure I'm not. Brats like you don't hold the center of my attention."

Eren gave him a slightly surprised look before mumbling an apology and started blushing slightly from the embarrassment. The corporal huffed and continued, "Now that's cleared out of the way, I'm here to talk to you about a mission tomorrow."

"A mission?" Eren questioned, "I thought the capital banned those kinds of activities."

"Yes you're right Yeager but this is an emergency. It's also a simple investigation mission, so the higher ups granted permission." glancing an eye at him Rivaille leaned his back onto the nearest wall, "Do you recall seeing an ape-like Titan a few missions back? "

Eren thought about it a bit before replying, "No sir, but I've heard reports of it from my classmates."

"Well at any rate, some farmers in the northeast part of Wall Rose claimed they had witnessed that specific Titan a few days ago. But strangely enough the village hasn't been attacked yet, so we concluded that if it was still in the area it could be an abnormal Titan... Just like you." With that he shot him a glare, "You must understand the importance of this mission, Yeager. However the capital was a bit reluctant in granting us permission so they set a rule to this specific mission."

"A rule...?"

"Yes, they refused to let us waste any more people so a compromise was made. Tomorrow we meet first thing at sunrise near the gates, be prepared I'll be sending someone your way to wake you up. This mission will conclude only a few handpicked soldiers, we will be traveling in groups and we estimate we'll arrive before sundown." He paused and made sure Eren was still listening, "Ackerman will also be present. Whatever it is you guys have with each other you'd better sort it out and make sure it doesn't affect the mission."

"Yes, sir." A stiff reply came from the boy.

"Good, then you're dismissed. Go get some sleep." Rivaille straightened and headed toward his room, after a few steps he seemed to have remembered something and turned back to the young Titan shifter. "Another thing you should probably remember, Yeager."

"What is it sir?"

"Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading once again guys! I hope you enjoyed chapter 5 from Rivaille's point of view. This will probably the last time you hear things from his perspective UNLESS you guys request otherwise, so leave me a review as always and he'll me what you think!
> 
> Also starting next chapter I will begin going into the main plot line I had in mind for this story, I wanted to add adventure into the genre but there just wasn't enough space I'm estimating there will be around another 10 chapters before we get to the ending, so I hope you're ready to stay with me!^
> 
> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh OMG I have almost 50+ followers and reviews! Thank you guys so much! QAQ A lot of your feedback were actually very, VERY helpful! Constructive criticism never hurts so please don't be afraid to drop one by! A few details of these chapters were changed based on you guys' comments too! So as always keep the reviews coming;D!
> 
> Oh and here's a little foreshadow, I'd highly suggest you guys carefully re-read my summary for this story:3 it'd be good for your lovely little hearts until I update again~


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

That night Mikasa barely got any sleep, she stayed up all night replaying the events from the day before in her head. They'd always gotten into fights with each other for as long as she remembered, but lately the tension has really tightened between them. Something felt off, their fights gradually worsened over the years. Even before her training with the corporal started they already began to drift apart.

I really wish you didn't

That really, really stunned. Mikasa felt her heart ache and her hand reached up to clinch the fabric around her chest, her head hurts too.

When Eren said that a part of her died, of course he's said terrible things to her before too but... This was different. Mikasa had always thought if worst comes to worst she could use that 'word' against Eren, she'd always thought if it was mentioned the tension between them would immediately dissolve. As children whenever one of them was upset that word have always worked magic, it was their own little way of comforting each other. That word meant something special between them. Or, at least she thought it did, Eren was the only person she's ever taught her clan's language to. But reality doesn't go as smooth as she'd like to think, she's never thought of the possibility of failure and now Mikasa felt like she just made a huge fool of herself.

Mikasa looked back at everything that happened less than 24 hours before. First she had to train with the corporal in public; then she got into a fight with Eren; after she spent the whole evening moving through the forest, crying her head off, the corporal then found her and comforted her. In a weird sense; and everything was shattered again by 5 little words from Eren.

This hasn't been a good day for her.

If I had known you would be this much of a bother I'd never have saved you

A sob escaped from her throat and she stuffed her head deeper into the pillow to muffle the sound. Something told her that today's fight wasn't like the others. Something in between them broke today, something she's afraid that they can't mend again.

"God no, please no" Mikasa cried to herself, this couldn't be the end of their friendship. He's her family, he's too important for her to loose, she couldn't afford to lose any more family.

But she felt something slipped away between them, a gap formed where their hands once held tight together. Everything she did just seemed to make Eren even madder, and that last misunderstanding near the forest with the corporal felt like the last straw.

Mikasa felt another wave of tears coming on, since when did she become such a cry baby? This isn't like her.

Just as she mentally noted that to herself another thought wormed its way into her mind.

Family...

Eren has been her family ever since she lost her parents. He was there for her on that night; he gave her the scarf she treasures so much now. He was her light, her guidance; he was the one who led her out of her despair. He was her warmth in the cold.

Is he really just family?

A voice said inside her head. Mikasa blushed and instinctively reached for her scarf, she rolled around on her bed a few times to clear her mind before calming down. Her eyes softened and she gripped the scarf a little more tightly.

Just family huh? Was he really? Of course he was! He's always been and always will. But yet it felt like a part of her deep down was trying to tell her something else…

Then again, does it really matter? Even if she did felt something for him, not saying she does, it won't be reciprocated.

Eren's bright green orbs flashed behind her closed eyes and she remembered the look he gave her when he found her with the corporal.

That couldn't be... Was that jealousy?

No way. Eren wouldn't be jealous of her going out with some other guy, in fact Mikasa bet that he'd be happy because that would mean she could finally leave him alone.

Mikasa felt like crying again, but this time out of frustration. What was happening to her?

She spent the whole night like so, cramming her head trying to figure out what was wrong with her. When the sky started to lighten a bit a knock was heard at her door. "Yes?" She answered, a little caught off guard.

"The corporal wants you to get your gears and move to the gates before sunrise. I'll leave your breakfast on the ground." Footsteps could be heard shuffling away from the door, Mikasa sighed and got up. This was going to be a long day.

When Mikasa arrived at the gates in front of the HQ she saw a small group of people crowding around some horses. It took her quite some time to wash her face and she managed to make her eyes not look as puffy. As she got closer she heard Hanji called out to her. "Mikasa! You're late!"

"Sorry," she replied simply and started looking around.

"If you're looking for the corporal and Eren they're gone already."

"What?" Mikasa spun around, rather surprised. Hanji answered her with a laugh, "Our little expedition is split into two groups, and they're the first one so they leave earlier than we do. You're with me though so you're all good; if you were with Rivaille he'd have your head on a platter by now."

With that Hanji gave another carefree chuckle before clapping her hands together, "Alright everyone gather up! I'll explain the full details of this mission so listen very carefully! I'm sorry we called you out so early in the morning and I know you're all tired, but please pay attention I don't want to repeat myself."

Everyone shuffled around and stood in a circle around Hanji. Mikasa quickly scanned the crowd for anyone she knew, except for a few squad leaders she's seen around there was no one else she recognized. So it seemed as if her 104th training squad classmates were left out of this mission. Good, at least they're safe.

Just as she thought that Connie came running into the crowd completely out of breath. "Ah sorry sorry! I overslept! Did I miss anything?!"

Hanji gave him a look of disapproval before flipping through her notebook, "Springer, right? Good you're the last one. Now I was just starting to explain the details of this mission." Her glasses glinted as she pushed them up her nose bridge and she proceeded to spread out a huge map in front of them.

"So here's the plan, we're heading towards a village in the Northeast part of Wall Rose to investigate a recent sighting of a particular never-before-seen species. Its appearance is ape like and it's a 15 meter class. However one distinguish feature is that it is covered in hair unlike most Titans we've encountered so far. This could be a huge leap in our understanding of Titans! However the capital restricted our number in troops so we're only allowed small squads." As Hanji spoke about the Titans her eyes lit up like a child, Mikasa has heard about her particular obsessions with them before but this was the first time she witnessed it herself. It was a rather rare sight, to see someone speak of those creatures without malice in their voice for once.

"Anyways so we've been split into two groups for the sake of travel, the first group already left as someone you might've seen, Rivaille will be leading that one. The second group is led by me, and these are the people you will be working with for the next week or so. Introductions can wait once we get to the village; we're planning on establishing a small tent in the nearby area so hopefully we can get there before sundown. It will be a long trip but thank goodness the trip Rivaille and I planned out yesterday mostly consists of traveling on horse. That's the basic jest of it ya'all, any questions?"

"Yes!" A boy in this late teens rose his hand near the back, "what exactly will we be doing once we arrive there Hanji-san?"

"You're Hanson right?" Hanji looked down at her clipboard to verify before nodding to herself and answering his question, "After our arrival we'll first all get a good night's sleep, then we have the rest of the week to scavenge through the nearby area for any signs of the mysterious Titan. This will be a really laid-back mission unlike what you're all probably used to here. Our objective is to look for any traces that might give us clues, so there's a slim chance of us even having to use our 3D Maneuver Gear at all."

A few sighs of relief could be heard around the circle, people began to whisper among themselves and Hanji had to quiet them down again by clapping her hands together several times. "I know you're all excited but we must be on our way now, the sun's already beginning to rise and at this rate we won't be able to get the village in time! Now hustle up and get to your horses!"

Everyone scrambled to their rides and in a few minutes they were all ready to go, the efficiency was something they've all adapted for times of crisis. In less than 10 minutes they were off and on the road.

Mikasa spent the whole morning on horseback still trying to figure out what it was that she was feeling. The ride felt short by the time they reached their resting place for lunch.

"Yo, Mikasa!" Connie greeted her after grabbing some bread. "Oh man thank goodness you're here; this morning scared the shit out of me 'cause I didn't know anyone. I mean, who comes to your door so early in the morning and inform you of a mission that'll be happening on the EXACT SAME DAY?" He sighed in frustration and lay down on the grass beside her.

Connie had always been a talkative one, and his presence kind of relaxed her a little. He had this child-like aura around him that was rare to find in the scouting legions, the only other person Mikasa knew that was like him was Sasha.

"So... What's up with you and Eren?" Connie looked down and fumbled with his hands as he asked, glancing slightly at her before shyly looking away again, "I-I mean I'm just kinda concerned y'know? You guys made a pretty big fuss back there yesterday. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, so don't look so..." He faded off, unsure of what to say.

"Look so what?" Mikasa questioned him and took a bite into her own meal.

"Well... You always look so uptight and almost angry all the time Mikasa, I've know you for a while now I guess so I'm kinda getting used to it, but it can still be a little intimidating. Other than when you're around Eren and Armin though, you always look happy. Especially Eren! And you normally don't answer anyone's questions if it's not them either so haha I'm so gratefully you're actually talking to me right now, otherwise I'd probably feel like a complete loner this whole trip." Connie laughed and looked slightly relieved.

Do I really look that intimidating? "I look happy... Around them?"

"Ya! You guys are always together and the other day we saw you SMILE at them! Did you know how pissed Jean was haha? You could literally see the smoke come out of his ears. Oh wait, did he tell you yet?"

"Tell me what?"

"NEVERMIND then Mikasa ahahahaha forget I said anything," Connie nervously laughed and brushed it off, "But yea, you and Eren are always getting into fights but I don't think I've ever seen you two this serious before, are you guys alright?"

Mikasa's gaze saddened and dropped down onto the bread she was holding in her hands, "Oh sorry! I guess you don't really want to talk about it right now huh. But you know ever since you went off training with the corporal we barely get to see you anymore. We all really missed you but especially Eren I think. Whenever it's meal time he always kept on glancing at the door to see if you would come, and now a days he doesn't have as much energy as he usually does, he just seems sad all the time now. Jean- oh oops! Hahahaha never mind that last part!"

What was up with all these mentioning of Jean? "Jean... What? You're making me suspicious Connie."

"Err- um well, no, it's just that-" he stumbled on his words and bought some time by gulping the bread in his mouth down, "Jean hasn't really been fighting with Eren lately either, I think he moved onto Ymir."

"Oh, I see." Mikasa answered simply and took a drink of water. But really? Eren missed her? That thought flattered her a bit; she'd always thought Eren wanted her to be as far away from him as possible.

"Well anyways as I was saying, I think Eren got a little jealous today."

"Jealous?" Mikasa snapped her head at his direction, was she hearing this right?

"A-Ah well ya, at least that's what I think," Connie looked a little taken back and rubbed the back of his head with his free hand, "I mean we were all super excited when you guys took off-, I MEAN, w-when you guys took off fighting today, but Eren was the only one who looked unhappy about the whole scene. And then for the rest of the afternoon he seemed really pissed, he wasn't even able to concentrate on our task and he had to go sit out with Armin for a while!"

"Really...?" For some reason that gave Mikasa a little warm feeling at the base of her stomach, she felt her face grew hot and covered it with her scarf so Connie wouldn't notice.

"Mhm! Also the other day Eren said-"

"Okay everyone! Pack up your things it's time to hit the road again!" Hanji announced and clapped her hand together, "Chop, chop, hurry up! You guys did well this morning, at this rate we'll totally be able to get there in time. Keep up the good work!"

"Ah I guess I have to go help out now, it was nice chatting with you Mikasa! I'll tell you the rest sometime late if we get to talk again!" Connie got up and patted the dust off his back, and then he cheerfully waved and ran towards the horses. "See y'around!"

The rest of the trip was much more enjoyable for Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for reading again~! Unfortunately school has started so updates will be a little slow now... but I'll still keep it going!
> 
> I was so into writing this chapter that I ended up making it twice as long, most of my chapters are only 2000 words so I've decided to split this into two! Sorry I know some of you are waiting for the climax but that'll have to wait until the next chapter now(◕ω◕✿)!
> 
> I wanted this chapter to base more on the feelings of Mikasa and how she felt about Eren. I personally think that in the anime/manga, even tho it is extremely obvious to the viewers that Mikasa is in love with the kid she herself might not realize it yet. After all they are living in war times and if it weren't for the currently peaceful setting I've given to this story she most likely wouldn't even get the time to think about these things.
> 
> I've noticed that I don't have any names for the chapters yet... so I want to know what you guys' opinions are! Please tell me in the reviews and keep them coming as always! You guys have been awesome!
> 
> Also if you spot any mistakes please do feel free to tell me! I do not have a beta reader so I understand there might be some grammar issues or typos. I also welcome constructive criticism so please don't be afraid to leave one below too!(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ


	7. Chapter 7

It's been a while since they arrived at the camp that afternoon, when they got there the first squad had already begun setting up the area. Both Eren and Mikasa were put to work so they barely got to as much as glanced at each other, she never got a chance to chat with Connie again either. The place they stayed at was a large meadow by a small stream, all around them giant trees guarded their camp much like the environment around the HQ.

The second day after they arrived they went to visit the village that reported the sighting, much to their surprise they found it abandoned.

"No way... Did the titans already eat them or something...?" They spent that day searching. Nothing was left; there weren't a single trance of any living villagers within a whole 2 mile radius. "The weird thing is," Hanji reported, "All their household appliances were left running, it was as if they all decided to abandon the town on a whim. However there's not a single trance of blood left anywhere, a few occasional houses' rooftops were broken but that's it. The titans aren't this clean so they were definitely not eaten."

That left a grim remark on the rest of their expedition. They spent the next two days scavenging the area, looking for signs of Titans and remaining villagers. At the end of the fourth night everyone was exhausted, yet nothing has even come up.

\---------------------------

On the morning of the fifth day they were all awoken by a scream, scurrying out of their tents they gathered near the stream to see what was happening.

A few people who were camped by the water were already there, and in the centre of the crowd was a distressed looking girl screaming at the top of her lungs, "Leave me alone! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?"

Mikasa didn't recognize her, but she wasn't wearing the legion's uniforms so she assumed that she wasn't part of their squad. "I-It's one of the villagers!" Hanji just arrived and exclaimed, "I recognize their tribe clothing!"

It took them a quarter of that morning trying to calm the mysterious girl down. "Man she was a handful," Hanji sighed at the end of the day when they were cooking dinner, "It seemed like she went on a trip by herself several months ago and just came back. She was really shocked by the empty village and she assumed we attacked them of something. But after she finally chilled we were able to get some valuable information out of her." She skilfully cut the radish in her hands into thin slices before throwing them into the giant pot behind her; Hanji was a surprisingly good cook.

"Apparently every year around this season the whole village leaves for a hunting trip to the south, according to her they should be back by the end of the week," She turned to Mikasa and smiled, hands placed on both side of her apron she said, "Isn't that great news? It seems like everyone was safe after all and we were all worried for nothing."

With one last chuckle she turned to the fire and asked Mikasa to help her lift the pot on top of it to the dining tables, which she accepted and did with almost no effort at all.

\---------------------------

That night's dinner was a relaxing one, laughter could be heard from all directions and relief filled the air surrounding them. Even Mikasa couldn't help but smile a bit in the almost festive atmosphere. But she still felt like something was off. The village girl's explanations left a lot of room for doubt, such as why they left the appliances running and some roofs were broken. Mikasa was going to question Hanji but she thought it'd be better to leave it; after all there must be a reason why Hanji wasn't digging more into.

Now that she's finally got some time to herself she realized she hasn't seen Eren or the Corporal around for a while. She asked a few people today at dinner and they all shook their heads, saying they haven't seen them either, including Hanji.

Mikasa learned on the first day, much to her disappointment, that the first squad's activities are also different than theirs. They are in charge of searching the forest while Mikasa's group was in charge of searching the grounds beside the stream. However they're all supposed to eat together so their absence bugged her.

"Yoooooo Mikasa!" She heard a voice call her from behind and she turned to face a beet-red Connie. "C-Connie? Are you drunk?!" Mikasa exclaimed and stood up. "Ha-ha yes but don't worry - hic - about it! Everyone's celebrating - hic - you should go join them too -"

This boy must have a low alcohol tolerance level, Mikasa sweat-dropped and refused his offer politely. Connie just stood there and stared at her for a while before hysterically laughing while dragging her to her feet. He put his nook of the elbow around her neck and pulled her towards the crowd, "Oh come on, relax a little! Everything's finally working out now. Come – hic – celebrate with everyone else!"

\---------------------------

By the time she got to bed it was way past midnight, a majority of the people there were drunk so the ones left sober decided to just leave them at the tables. Mikasa sighed and flopped down on top of her mat, a few girls around here were already asleep. Today was the first time she's ever drunk, she gave in to the alcohol but for some reason after chugging down 3 barrels she felt unfazed.

"Hnngh-" Mikasa heard someone grunted beside her and looked down to see the village girl from this morning; it appeared that she was sleeping in their tent too.

She inspected her a little more closely and guessed that she was only around 12, her skin was tanned and her brown hair were braided into a perfect bun at the back of her head. Tiny drops of sweat formed near her brows and she started mumbling, soon she began to twist and turn around on her sheet.

She must be having a nightmare. With that thought in mind Mikasa grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her until she was awake.

"Hnnn- w-who are you?" The little girl gasped and back away, taken back by the sudden appearance of a stranger.

"My name is Mikasa Ackerman, you seemed like you were having a bad dream so I decided to wake you up." Upon hearing her name the girl's eyes lit up. "So you're Mikasa!"

"You've... Heard of me?"

"Yes! From Ri ri and Ere ere!" She replied happily with a grin on her face.

"Ri ri... And... Ere ere?" Mikasa repeated after her dreamily, was this kid talking about Rivaille and Eren?

"Yup! They were talking about a lady called Mikasa today when they were guarding me and Makii was curious so she asked them." The little girl continued with a pout, "But then they said Makii was too young to understand what they were saying so I stopped asking."

"Is... Your name Makii?"

"Yup! Nice to meet you !" Makii gave her one of those ear to ear grins and reached out to shake her hand. Mikasa shyly took her hand shook it slightly before letting go. "...Makii... Can you tell me what they said about me?" Her curiosity got the better of her.

"Hmmm well," the young lady in front of her furrowed her eyebrows trying to remember, " Ri Ri kept on calling him a stupid brat. Did Ere ere do something to you Mikasa chan?"

"Huh?"

"Well Makii didn't really understand what they were saying but I think it was something serious. Ri ri was talking a lot and Ere ere looked really, reaaaally guilty! They kept on saying something about apologizing." She put her hands up into the air and made an imaginary rainbow for exaggeration.

"Oh I see..." That seemed like the most Mikasa was going to get out of her, "You should go back to bed now Makii, it's really late."

"Yea you're right... Good night!" It was as if someone hit a button on the little girl, right after she finished her sentence she dropped instantly back onto her mat and fell into a deep sleep.

Ah well that was fast, Mikasa thought to herself and decided it'd be best to go to bed now too. The alcohol was kicking in and her head was starting to ache a bit from the lack of sleep and the tiredness. She decided that she'll go question Rivaille and Eren later tomorrow. But… was the corporal trying to convince Eren to apologize? Perhaps she's misjudged him, she decided. He might turn out to be a better guy than she thought.

As she watched the child's sleeping face

Maybe everything is finally starting to work out now, Mikasa smiled before falling into a deep slumber.

\---------------------------

Author's suggestion: The following section will be best read with the SnK soundtrack - Vogel im Käfig

\---------------------------  
 _  
*Screaming*_

_..._

_*Crashes*_

_...?_

_What was happening?_

_Mikasa sluggishly got up and realized she fell asleep with her 3D Maneuver Gear on. Someone was in the tent; someone was screaming at her and dragging her to her feet._

_Who is it? She can't see. Her head hurts. The room was pitch-black, and the world was spinning around her._

_A flash of light. She was outside._

_Mikasa heard some screams to her right but before she could look the person dragged her towards the other direction._

_What was going on?_

_Mikasa was tired; she didn't want to keep running. The figure in front of her shouted at her to keep up. It's no use, she couldn't focus. But then a muffled shout in the background brought her back to reality._

_"NO DONT KILL PAPA!"_

_"Get that child out of here!"_

_"NO THAT'S MY PAPA DONT YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!"_

_Mikasa's eyes focused for a moment on the figures in the distance._

_A few meters away from her Makii was standing protectively in front of some soldiers. No... She wasn't standing in front of them; she was standing in front of..._

_Titans_

_Not just one, but two Titans smiled creepily down at her. Mikasa blinked, and she saw Makii in their hands._

_"Get her down!"_

_"NO THIS IS MY PAPA! PAPA IT'S ME DONT YOU RECOGNIZE-"_

_Before Makii finished her sentence the Titan holding her chomped its jaws down on her tiny body. Her screams muffled before dying down and her body went limp._

_There's... Titans in the camp._

_Mikasa's eyes widened as she finally registered the situation in her head. Her mind was shocked back into clarity, her drowsiness faded and she was instantly on her guard._

_This… isn't a dream?_

"Stop standing there! Get to the forest Ackerman, and then we can reach the trees!" Rivaille, the one who's been gripping onto her wrist screamed at her and dragged her along. "What's happening?" Mikasa cried, she was confused and her head still hurt.

"What does it look like? It seemed like these fucking Titans caught us off guard." They reached the trees and jumped, hooking onto the high branches above. "Where's Eren?" Mikasa asked when she landed. Everything was in chaos, screams echoed through the forest and the familiar stench of flesh and blood was back.

"Yeager's up there in front, go to him. I'll go back to check for more survivors." With that and a swing of his green cape the corporal sprinted back to their camp. "Be careful!" Mikasa called after him but it was too late, he already disappeared into the darkness.

Meanwhile her eyes were beginning to adjust to the dark; she saw a few figures ahead of them and jumped towards them.

Just as she was about to reach one of them a hand appeared in front of her a grabbed the person who was there moments ago. Shit! They're too low! Mikasa quickly diverted directions and shot up just as she heard a scream and a sickening crunching noise. "Hanson!" She looked down and saw another figure shouted as it raced towards the Titan.

"NO! Look behind-" Before Mikasa got the whole sentence out another hand swooped up and grabbed the second figure.

Mikasa stood there, frozen on the top branch as she watched the Titans gruesomely devoured her two teammates. Why was this happening? Everything was fine a few hours ago. She didn't understand a thing, her temple ached and as the smell reached her nose she felt like puking. This wasn't right, something's wrong. Over the past 5 days they haven't found a single clue leading to any traces of the titans, so where did they all come from?

A flash of lightening landed near her and her ears ringed. The image of an animal-like 17 meter titan covered in hair appeared in her mind.

Was that… the ape titan? Mikasa looked around, No… that was but, it's not here right now and I've never seen it before so…

Why do I know what the ape titan looks like?

"Connie!" Mikasa heard a familiar voice and her head snapped up, trying to find the origin of the sound. Then she spots it.

A few trees in front of her stood a 30 meter tall Titan, and in its hands...

"Let Connie go you bastard!" She finally found it, the origin of the sound. Eren was screaming madly as he spun towards the Titan, in its hands laid Connie, who looked seriously injured and was unconscious.

"No Eren!" She shouted and leaped towards him, he was approaching it at a wrong angle. Much to her horror she was the Titan's other hand reach up from underneath. It was going to grab him!

She doesn't have enough time to reach for her blades, at this rate-

This whole week Mikasa has been pulling her hair out because of Eren. He frustrated her, confused her, hurt her. But he was family, and even though Mikasa didn't think this day would come so soon, she couldn't lose anymore family. At the urgency of the moment, everything came back to her. The days they spent as children, secretly talking at night when they both can't fall asleep, playing in the fields, collecting firewood, when things were so simple. Eren's mother's last words to her were to take care of Eren, now thinking back she felt stupid. She realized just how much time she wasted worrying over their fight. How could she have forgotten about that? How could she have left her personal feelings interfere with the one mission she's always held in her heart?

Suddenly her mind felt freer than it's ever been since the days of peace. Mikasa remembered those words Eren said to her back then; she remembered the warmth of his scarf, and then his hands as they took her back to their home; she remembered crying in her bed on her first night at the Yeager residency and how Eren comforted her; she remembered sharing that precious word of their language with him; she remembered Eren telling her bedtime stories of the outside world. She remembered his beautiful green eyes, his smile, his laugh, his cry, his voice, his courage, his hope, his warmth.

Without thinking she crashed into Eren, bumping into him and pushing him out of harm's way.

She felts an enormous hand closed around her and everything went black for a slight second before she saw a flash of green and blood splattered everywhere. "Get the kid Yeager!" Mikasa heard Rivaille commanded.

Thank goodness... They're safe.

Then she started to fall.

Everything went by in slow motion. Mikasa felt the wind on her back, her black hair whipped around her face.

She saw her scarf gradually unwrap itself from her neck. A flutter of red, before it was gone.

She saw Eren on a branch far away, horrified, with an unconscious Connie in one arm; and the other arm reaching up to his mouth...

She saw the lower branches of the trees. A flash of green, and Rivaille's face appeared above hers. A hand extended in her direction and her arms reached up in unison; their fingers grazed each other's, only inches apart…

… and missed.

She saw a puff of smoke, before a giant palm reached towards her. Behind it the owner's face appeared from the smoke.

Funny, she doesn't think she's ever seen a Titan look so sad and desperate.

\---------------------------

The hand reached down at her and a memory flashed through her mind

"Ne mommy, why do you always say that to dad" I asked, an innocent yet curious expression spread out across my face.

"Say what honey?" A gentle voice replied.

"What you just said!"

"... Oh? You mean Aishiteru? Well you see Mikasa, in our race's language, it meant something special. And you must only say this once you've found someone you truly care for with all your heart, can you promise me that?"

"I promise! But how do I know who to say this to?"

"Listen carefully Mikasa, this is a word that must not be used lightly. One day you will find a boy who will mean the world to you. You'll want to savor the moments you spend with him, you'll fall in love with everything he is, his eyes, his personality, his heart. When you guys fight you'll feel as if it's the end of the world, but when you're together you'll feel as if you can do anything. He'll be the reason for you living. When you feel like he's that important to you Mikasa, you can tell him Aishiteru. It means-"

\---------------------------

"-I love you, Eren."

Too bad it's too late now, a tear flew out of her eyes before she shut them tight.

Then she felt herself hit the ground and everything went black.

\---------------------------

"...ory...pl...me"

"S...ou...aga…en"

…?

"Do you want to live?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The spring of that year was when they suffered the most loses they've had in decades. First the failed expeditions following the massacre of the scavenging group sent north, the Scouting Legion's activities are at a risk of being permanently put on hold. Supporters of the legion's have turned their backs, and the capital was forced to comply.

The scavenging massacre was perhaps what was considered the last straw. The legion lost a large quantity of their most elite members and out of the 50 that originally set out, only 7 returned alive. 

\------------------------------------

The squeaking wheels beside him sickened him to his stomach. It wasn't the sound that bothered him as much as what laid on the carts that produced such a dreadful noise. 

Reinforcements arrived the next morning following the disaster, only to find the forest completely rid of Titans. Reports showed that the damage caused wasn't because of the amount of Titans that attacked, but because of the timing and the place the event took place which caught most soldiers off guard. When they first got to the place of the incident a conclusion was made that there were no survivors, however after a brief search they retrieved 18 seriously wounded soldiers. 11 of the which died in the following days and leaving 7 left alive.

"Rivaille," he heard Hanji called out and he promptly ignored her, "Rivaille we're here, you should get some rest and eat something."

"Where is she?"

"Rivaille please you haven't eaten in-"

"Where. Is. She?" He said coldly, stating it in a final tone.

Giving in, Hanji called over a soldiers and asked her to lead him the way. The young recruit nodded and signaled him to follow, she led him into the infirmary and left him in front of a wooden door.

Without bothering to knock Rivaille stormed into the room, he halted at the edge of the bed and stared at the mummified figure with his lidded eyes.

It had never occurred to him that this could happen, especially on a mission as simple as this. The attack on the camp took them completely by surprise. The majority of the crowd was drunk at the time and might as well had been labeled as Titan food. The few remaining sober soldiers took charge but of course many of them were sacrificed. When he found her he was filled with relief, but he left for a minute. One. Minute. And this was the outcome. 

They still didn't know where the titans came from, and where they disappeared to. Once again there was no breech in the wall, it was almost as if this was an planned ambush. The outcome of this tragedy was completely unforeseeable, even by Erwin.

Rivaille cringed as he looked at her bandaged face. When the medics arrived she was already on the brink of death, every bone in her body was broken and she survived by a matter of a miracle. As a result every inch of her was now covered in bandages, even her face wasn't visible. There was a slim chance of her ever awaking again, and even if she did the doctors confirmed there was no way for her to ever participate in combat again.

But the worst part of all this was breaking the news to that kid. Eren had transformed into a Titan at the peak of their battle and was able to stampede out most of the enemies. Rivaille hated to admit it but he probably wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for him. After the titans were defeated Rivaille had to cut him out manually to retrieve him, and the boy proceeded into a coma for the next 3 days.

When he woke up and asked for her, no one wanted to answer him. Along with the reinforcements his childhood friend, Armin, came too and he was the one who broke it to him. The blonde handed him her scarf and Eren just stared at it in silence. Rivaille has been through a lot of these scenarios but this was by far the worst he's had to endure, perhaps it was because he knew of them personally. But even Petra's fathers reaction was no where near his.

After what seemed like a century Eren finally looked up from the scarf in his hands and asked in a shaky voice, "Where is she?" Rivaille haven't ever heard the boy sounded so weak, so venerable. The usual courageous, spearheaded, ambitious Titan shifter was terrified, his voice was filled with despair and plead. And when they finally broke the news to him an inhuman sound came out of the boy's throat. He collapsed and started shaking violently in his friend's arms. Eren repeated the news over and over again as he broke down on the ground, and eventually it turned into sobs and screaming pleas. 

It was a heart wrecking scene to witness, back then Rivaille had only stood there and watched as it grew more and more violent and eventually Eren started rampaging. But even then no one made an attempt to stop him, not that any one other than Rivaille could. But he had to eventually, Rivaille remembered having to restrain the boy back with tremendous force, and even now the gruesome screams still ringed in his ears.

"Dammit!" Rivaille slammed his fist onto the bedpost, after Petra he promised this type of things would never happen again. In this line of work anyone could die anyday, yes, he knew that. But not this soon, he had never anticipated it to be this soon.

She was the strongest he's ever known, he'd always imagine her demise would require a dramatic scene, not from a 30 meter fall. 

_I let this happen..._

When Rivaille saw them in the hands of the Titan his immediate approach was to cut it down, but this was one miscalculation he will regret for as long as he would live as a soldier. He had anticipated that she was still conscious and missed the obvious fact that her 3D maneuver gear was most likely crushed by the grip. Back then his priority was the unconscious boy in the titan's other hand and Yeager, after all she always took care of herself.

But once he realized her fall, it was too late. Rivaille almost used up all his air getting to her, and he was so close. So close. He had felt their finger tips brush, if only he was a bit faster, if only he wasn't-

Rivaille silently loomed over her bed and whispered to himself,

"Too slow..."

Soon after in the following week, Mikasa Ackerman, the strongest soldiers Lance Corporal Rivaille had ever encountered, died a brave and noble death.

\------------------------------------

"Eren you have to eat something." Armin pleaded beside him, "Eren come on you've gotta snap out of it."

He felt the eyes of the whole table on him. Concerned, pitying eyes. But Eren didn't care, the only thing on his mind was Mikasa.

After he finished drinking his water he stood up and headed toward the infirmary and Armin hastily followed, as he closed in on its front door he bumped into a figure.

"Oh Eren... Are you here to visit Mikasa?" A tired looking Sasha blinked at him, in her arms were several loafs of bread. 

"Yea, are you visiting Connie again?" Armin replied for Eren. Sasha replied with a brief nod before sadly casting her gaze down. "Don't worry Sasha! I'm sure he'll be fine, the doctors said it was only a minor head injury and the only thing really broken were his legs, which will probably heal any day now!"

Sasha cooked her head and took in his words for a minute, "Yea I guess, but it's almost been a week and he still hasn't gotten better yet."

"Haha well you bring him bread every day and take care of him, if I had to guess he's probably all better now and just pretending to be still sick." Armin forcefully chuckled, Eren tensed in front of him and started walking down the hallway.

"Really? Well I'll need to have a talk with that bastard, how dare he make me share my damn food with him-" With that Sasha stormed off, leaving Armin alone in the hall by himself.

When Eren approached the door he found it open, a mumble came from inside and as he stepped in a green cloaked figure spun around to greet him. "Oh it's just you Eren."

"Who were you expecting?" He grunted and flung down on the chair beside Mikasa's bed. Eren almost occupied that position 24/7 for the past few days, leaving only to get a drink of water or to use the restroom.

"Nobody in particular. Though I am surprised you can allow yourself to stay in this depressing room for such a long period of time, I've only been in here for 10 minutes and the atmosphere has already gotten to me." The corporal remarked and stepped away from the bedpost. 

"If you came in here just to complain then I suggest you get out." Eren snared, not looking up at him. 

"Relax a little Yeager, I just came back with the cartage of corpses from the mission. It's nice to see something alive." He sighed and leaned against the wall. The moments following after were filled with a awkward silence.

As Eren sat there like he has for the past week, the scene from that day replayed over and over again. When he saw her fall his first instinct was to catch her, he had transformed but he didn't remember anything after it. But only one thing mattered, and that was he had failed to protect her. 

"Do you always just sit there and stare at her like that?" The corporal's voice came from behind him, interrupting his thoughts.

"It's none of your business," Eren snapped back, but froze when he saw the malicious look on his face. For the first time the realization hit Eren, he wasn't the only one who felt responsible for her current condition.

"This was completely my fault," he mumbled and turned back to her figure on the bed. Eren couldn't even recognize her under all the bandages.

A silence followed briefly before it was broken by the corporal, "You have no control over your body as a Titan, it was a miracle that you were even able to get close to her. I on the other hand was completely capable of catching her, but I failed to do so."

"You're talking a lot again, corporal." Eren stiffly commented, silencing Rivaille. "If I hadn't went after that Titan so recklessly she wouldn't have needed to push me out of the way," he clenched his fists, "In the end I couldn't protect her, I was too weak. She'd always nag before about how she was going to protect me, and she did."

He felt the corners of his eyes tear up, but ignored them and continued, "  
"She was worst 100 soldiers, I've always wanted to catch up to her but now she's in this state because of me. What's worst is that the doctors said she might never wake up again. If that happens then what the hell am I suppose to do? I said all those terrible things to her I was going to apologize too, but-"

Eren suddenly stopped and his head shot up, his eyes widened in realization and he stared into the distance. _This was just like last time_

He's done it again, he wasted his time fighting with one of the most important person in his life in their last moments together. This was just like what happened with mom.

Eren let the tears fall as he continued to blindingly stare at the wall in front of him.

This was happening again. Once again he foolishly lost one of his family, after he watched his mother died he had swore to kill off all the titans. But what for? Wasn't it so that he'll never have to watch someone so close to him die again? Wasn't it so that he wouldn't experience that pain again? What was this all for? In the end he made the same mistakes, he was still the weak child he was 5 years ago. He didn't get stronger, he didn't change. 

"Why...?" Eren was sobbing now, the tears flowed freely from his eyes. Why hadn't he apologized when he had the chance? Why did he have to spent their last moments together fighting, again? Why did he ignore that feeling of fear in his heart when he saw her leave? Why didn't he stop her?

A hand rested on his shoulders and Armin's voice sounded beside his ears, "Eren it's okay, the doctors are going to change her bandages 2 days from now on and they'll have a new report. Mikasa is strong, she's alive... She has to be." near the end it sounded like he was about to cry too, but it didn't matter to Eren. He just cried into the bed sheets, he cried for his regrets, he cried for his foolishness, he cried for his weakness. He cried for her.

But Armin was wrong. When Eren stepped into the infirmary 2 days from that moment, the stench of death filled his nose trills.

Mikasa was strong, but in the end she wasn't strong enough. That day before the doctors removed her bandages they stopped to check for a pulse.

There wasn't any.

 

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End file.
